Tribute to Brother Number Two

I have two brothers. I wrote a post involving the one I was closest to growing up here. Our relationship is changing in very deep and beautiful ways since that post. I love him with all my heart. Thank you for loving me, Danny.

I have another brother, 7 years younger than I am. The gap in age hindered us from really getting to know each other. We had no real relationship until the year he was deployed to Afghanistan. We started talking, sharing, hearing each other. I didn't know another human being could think as much like me as he does. He has become the deepest, safest familial relationship I have ever had in my life.

I have carried negative perceptions of men through my life. We see what we are looking for. Consequently, all I ever saw in men would confirm my negative perceptions of them (sorry men, that's just how it was). In January, I decided I was tired of seeing the same thing over and over. Was it possible to experience something different from men than I had? Was it possible to have a perception shift? I wasn't really sure. Of all my life- sapping perceptions, I was pretty sure my perception of men would be the last that could change.

I started asking God to give me new experiences with safe men. I wasn't exactly sure what I was looking for. I had NO idea where they would come from. I was fairly sure I knew where they wouldn't be coming from. After an amazing conversation with my brother one day, I was sharing with Abiel how much I loved and valued him. She said, "Mom, what if Uncle Cole is your first safe, new experience with men?"

Wow! How did I miss that? YES! He was my first safe, new experience to replace the awful perceptions I carried. From that point on, I began to share more and more with him. Since January, there is virtually nothing I haven't disclosed to my brother in my struggle with life, healing, changing perceptions, lies I believed, and on and on. He has brought so much love and clarity to my world. I do not have the words to say how grateful I am to him for seeing me, hearing me, loving me even in my darkest places. He is my gift beyond all gifts. He has spoken life and truth into the deepest wounds in my heart. He has called forth my strength and beauty and breathes life into my dreams. I am changed because of his willingness to reach in and see and speak to the real me.

Thank you, Cole. You have helped to redeem the realm of masculinity for me. Thank you for loving me so completely and beautifully. I am such a better person because you are intimately connected to me. I love you with all my heart.