Codependency Unraveling

Being an intuitive, people pleasing, helper personality has its definite drawbacks, especially with all the baggage I've carried. Those potentially good qualities have become the cause of burn out for me on more than one occasion.

Just because I am reading a situation or a person, doesn't mean I have to respond to what I'm sensing. (What? Really? Can that be true?!)  I am only responsible for what is happening in me. If the person I am picking things up from doesn't feel like sharing or wants to deny it (ie: they are upset about something and won't talk about it), then it isn't my job to fix it before that person is willing to own their own feelings. I may be off on my read of the scenario anyway. (Probably not, but maybe! I've had 39 years of practice.)

I lived the majority of my life tiptoeing around people's emotions that they refuse to admit, communicate, own, or work through. That means I am the primary one taking responsibility for the bulk of the difficulty in the relationship. I sense the struggle. I shift to "make it better." The other person feels better and waalaa, problem solved. Everyone is "happy" and eventually I D I E. That would be called enabling in codependent, dysfunctional relationships. Bleh.

Until I get in a car accident and I actually have NO capacity to carry that relational load anymore. I literally cannot do the shifting. I can still intuitively pick up on unspoken stresses and emotions. But it is taking everything in me to stay present with my kids and keep my empathetic radar on for them alone.  Everyone else, I'm sorry . . . ability to shift, gone. I can't take care of anyone else right now. Once again, people in my world are having to adjust simply because I have changed. It's uncomfortable. Change always is. But in the end, I am healing. I will not be the enabler in codependent relationships anymore. I will be responsible for me. And though it is terribly painful for people closest to me, I believe it will bring wholeness as we all adjust whether they wanted change or not. This is a monster of a healing journey. Just be glad you don't live with me. :)