Quote of the week

"To be human is to need others,

and this is no flaw or weakness."

- Sue Johnson

Smile First

Judgments. We can't get around them, but we can learn to look beyond them or reframe them altogether. I think it's important that I do or I will miss out on knowing some pretty amazing people in my world.

My kids and I have been talking about the kind of judgment they feel from some people after they decided to experiment with appearance and clothes. Three of the four of my kids have dyed their hair and the fourth is my son who refuses to cut his hair. All of them are eclectic dressers, each experimenting with their own wacky style. Abiel is the most perceptive to the energy of judgment directed at her. Do people with tattoos, dyed hair, unusual piercings, black clothes, mismatched clothes, hippy clothes, business suits, work out clothes, cowboy clothes, etc make you decide you already know what they are like? Or does the person you're judging just respond to your judging energy with defense, therefore affirming what you assume in the first place?

I don't know. Stereotypes are there for some reason. I'm not saying they don't hold a smidgeon of accuracy. And certainly we can come from the other angle and try to understand what image a person is trying to portray with their clothes or accessories and why (socially acceptable or not). But that's for another post.

Several people simply do not want to follow the crowd. They are in search of the authentic self through expressive avenues of hair color, style, body art, or clothing. You might miss out on wonderful human beings because of judgment. If you smile with acceptance at my daughter, you will be received with a warm hello and an intelligent conversation that probably contains more 5 syllable words than you've heard in a month. If you look away in judgment because her hair is red, assuming she is a punk teen in an identity crisis, you will be losing out on a friendly interaction with a delightful person.

Try smiling before making the judgment. You might be pleasantly surprised.

Poem of the week

"I am too alone in the world, and yet not alone enough 

to make every moment holy.

I am too tiny in this world, and yet not tiny enough

just to lie before you like a thing,

shrewd and secretive.

I want my own will, and I simply want to be with my will,

as it goes toward action;

and in those quiet, hardly moving times,

when something is coming near,

I want to be with those who know secret things,

or else alone.

I want to be a mirror for your whole body,

and I never want to be blind, or too old

to hold up your heavy and swaying picture.

I want to unfold.

I don't want to stay folded anywhere,

because where I am folded, there I am a lie.

And I want my grasp of things

to be true before you. I want to describe myself

like a painting that I looked at

closely for a long time,

like a saying that I finally understood,

like the pitcher I use every day,

like the face of my mother,

like a ship

that carried me

through the wildest storm of all."

-Rainer Maria Rilke, "Rilke's Book of Hours: Love Poems to God"

Rainer Maria Rilke wrote this poem in German. Here is another translation of the same poem. I like them both.

I'm too alone in the world, yet not alone enough
to make each hour holy.
I'm too small in the world, yet not small enough
to be simply in your presence, like a thing -
just as it is.

I want to know my own will
and to move with it.
And I want, in the hushed moments
when the nameless draws near,
to be among the wise ones -
or alone.

I want to mirror your immensity.
I want never to be too weak or too old
to bear the heavy, lurching image of you.

I want to unfold.
Let no place in me hold itself closed,
for where I am closed, I am false.
I want to stay clear in your sight.

I would describe myself
like a landscape I've studied
at length, in detail;
like a word I'm coming to understand;
like a pitcher I pour from at mealtime;
like my mother's face;
like a ship that carried me
when the waters raged.

-translation by Anita Barrows and Joanna Macy
(I love their translations of his poems more than most I've read. Their book, "Rilke's Book of Hours: Love Poems to God" a 100 anniversary addition, contains the German text for any of my German friends out there who love poetry.)

Grieving

I've had plenty of practice grieving. Throughout my life, whenever major change happened, if I didn't say goodbye to the old in a thorough and meaningful way, grieving the loss of what was, I could not fully embrace the new thing coming. Whether that was a move, job change, new baby, way of life, etc., I had to grieve well. Maybe that's because I'm sentimental and connected to my emotions or maybe it's because I'm human.

I've walked my kids through many transitions and grieving. Keeping the dialogue open and allowing for grieving behavior has been important. It's never a pleasant process, but we are not strangers to it. These days, I'm glad we've had some practice. I'm making some decisions that are causing great change, loss, and ultimately grieving for all of us. As raindrops make their way down my windowpane, it feels like a reflection of my heart. A little cloudy and grey, water droplets falling, a chill in the air, but necessary and beautiful in the end. The sun is shining right above that cloud cover. So I'll be in this moment and I'll let my kiddos be in theirs and sometimes I'll jump right into their moment with them . . . whenever I have just a little extra to give. And we'll all try to remember the clouds will part and the sun is still shining up there. But snuggling up and eating Breyers rocky road icecream and playing minecraft for hours and taking naps when we need them are allowed without guilt through this season of change.

My life quote

Music Shuffle Game

Sometimes the most random things can have deep meaning. Abiel, a friend and I had a relaxing, intriguing morning of laughing and crying (yes, I was the only one who cried), all because of a random pintrest idea Abiel tried. Here's the game:

Set your song stash on shuffle.
The first song that plays is the song that will play at your funeral.
The second is your battle song.
The third is your victory song.
The fourth is your wedding song.
The fifth song is the song you'll die to.

We laughed hard, I cried hard, and in the end, we were all a little wierded out by how shockingly accurate it was for us. Hope it's as enjoyable for you as it was for us.

Alignment

Growing up in a system that asked me to follow a set of rules and a person in charge rather than learning to trust my intuition and my connection and personal communication with God messed with me in a big way. It's part of the reason I learned to be an external compliant person and an internal resistor.

I'm learning. As my world is dramatically shifting, everything feels uncertain when I fall back into expecting someone will tell me what, when, and how to do it. Or when I'm waiting for someone with authority to tell me that what I'm deciding is ok or punish and shame me if it's not. Then I remember that's what I'm breaking out of. I check back in at my center where Divinity and humanity mingle. In there, in my beautiful inner world, I find insight, peace, affirmation, and confirmation of the steps I need to take and decisions I need to make. When I come to peace there, it doesn't matter who agrees or affirms, or disagrees and condemns for that matter.

I am choosing to move forward in order to live out the most authentic me possible while holding tightly to my love and connection with Creator and interacting with his very Spirit that indwells me. It is how I am learning to line up my actions with the things that are alive in me, the Life waiting to come forth. Liberation is a painful and wonderful journey.

Laughing

Laughter is the best medicine. My kids always provide me with plenty of material to make me laugh until I'm rolling. If you've never been introduced to "Rhett and Link" and "Studio C" youtubers, then you are missing out. Here are a few of our favorites. Enjoy!

Rhett and Link:

Studio C:

(The personalities of both groups grow on you. I will admit I didn't find either group terribly funny the first few times I watched them. Maybe having them playing in the house all the time gave me opportunity to get attached. HA!)

Prayer

Sometimes what people call "prayer" is actually energetic manipulation and shaming. 

Empaths will always be able to feel it directed at them. 

If you want to pray for someone without coercion, a better option is 

coming to prayer without an agenda 
(even a biblically supported one),
 creating space 

around the person you're praying for
in which they are able

to feel unconditional love of God, hear his voice clearly in direction,
and choose life giving paths - allowing for the option

that maybe "life giving paths" could
look different than
you expect. 

Song of the Week

Twenty One Pilots is a band one of my students introduced me to. My kids and I are hooked. Their lyrics are incredibly thought provoking. CAR RADIO is one of my favorites right now. Warning: not my typical music share. :-)

CAR RADIO

Backtracking

Driving to massage school early one morning in the rain, listening to music, lost in my thoughts, the exit zoomed past me. Split second decision: catch the next exit and backtrack or reroute and keep moving forward?

I had a few extra minutes to spare so I caught the next exit and thought I was back on track. What I didn't realize was that the exit going south took a different turn than the exit going north. Before I knew what was happening, I was completely turned around. Circling through a little town TWICE, not trusting the GPS on my phone because I was sure I knew where I was (go ahead and laugh), I finally decided to hop back on the interstate and simply take the long way and reroute! That was after 15 wasted minutes of circling.

Once on the interstate, the very next exit was the exit I needed to take in the very beginning! WHAT?! How am I HERE? Crossing three lanes of traffic to get to my original exit after 15 minutes of delay, I was back on track.

Pondering this detour for the rest of my drive, I sensed God saying that backtracking is fine if you want to waste time. Even when I miss my normally taken exit, it's more beneficial to keep moving ahead and reroute than to backtrack to try and get back on track. If I had rerouted, I would've gotten to school on time. Because I chose to back track, I was 10 minutes late.

There have been many moments in the last couple weeks that I've felt like backtracking because it feels like the easier option . . . or maybe just the familiar road. But I've decided to keep moving forward and choose to reroute instead. In the end, I am completely confident that the reroute will get me and everyone involved where we need to be at the right time, without any wasted time. And does a reroute mean it's the wrong route? I've decided no.

No backtracking for me. Here's to a reroute.

Empath: Article of the Week

I have an uncanny ability to sense the emotion underneath actions and words, even if they are contradicting. I am an empath. That makes life a little overwhelming when I'm not grounded. If you think you might be an empath or live with an empath, this article "30 Traits of an Empath" is really insightful. Enjoy.

Song of the Week

I'm immersing myself in the immeasurable Love of God. This song, "NEVER SEE THE END," washes me in the grandeur of His Love.

Never See The End

by Amanda Cook

Quote of the Week

A New Year

Recapping 2015 was difficult for me. It was a year of turmoil - physically, emotionally, spiritually, relationally. And yet there was more growth, understanding, liberation, healing and shifting than in any single year I can remember.

Over the last few weeks, I realized I've lived my life in external compliance and internal resistance. I am stepping out of character and off the stage to live the real me. I am looking deeply at the fear of disappointing people that has plagued me for too long. Freedom is at hand.

In light of these things, my aspirations for 2016 are to:

• Live authentically from the core of who I am, where humanity and divinity mingle.
• Live surrounded by and filled with Unconditional Love that flows from the Divine, looking for it to manifest for me from anywhere Love may choose to flow.
• Live peacefully and lovingly with myself, my children and all those in my life from closest family to stranger on the street. 
• To let Love dispel the fear of rejection and fear of disappointing to keep me soft and open in relationship with safe people. 
• And to pursue the things as an individual, with my children, and safe people that make me feel magnificently alive. 

I cannot forsee how life will unfold coming out of such a turbulent year. But I will do my best to live wholeheartedly and vibrantly, enjoying the beauty and love in each day, even amidst deep sorrow. 

To a New Year!