Thought of the week

As the cold slows my blood and movement to molasses, this is the quote that reminds me to just do what I can do with great love.

Quote of the Week

Washing Feet

I had the opportunity to wash the feet of many women last weekend. It's the first event I've participated in since Thailand nine months ago. Would I have nothing to give or would the nothingness in me allow the flow of God to be richer and fuller than before?

As I knelt before each beautiful woman, the movement of the Divine was tangible. God pours through a willing vessel, no matter how cracked. Typically, as I wash feet, my focus is on how Presence of God is flowing and what Spirit is saying. I have learned to trust this outpouring of the Divine through me.

With that trust in Spirit movement, something else surfaced this time. The slowing down, healing, undoing, and growth of the last several months created a connection to my humanity mingling with the divinity in a new way.

I knelt before them, washing the dirt, looking in their eyes, feeling their despair of feeling unworthy (ie: not perfect). I looked with compassion out of the depth of my humanity confident that even there, especially there, in our imperfection, we are loved. God lavishes his great Love upon humanity and for those that receive, Love transforms the broken places and reveals the gold that's been there all along. Loved, forgiven, empowered, restored, healed. Not because we have it all together but because we are Loved by the Creator of the Universe who knows all the secrets and hidden dirt and loves unconditionally.

Waves of Emotion

I tell my students that emotions are like waves. If we can remember that nothing lasts forever and this feeling won't last forever and fall won't last forever then it is easier to weather the rise and fall of the wave of emotion. I'm reminding myself of that as I snuggle up in bed until much later than I "should."

I'm pretty sure I have bear blood in me. When my kids are old enough, I've determined to ride out a fall completely doing what my body is asking for. And if it asks me to stay in bed until 2:00 pm every day for a month, I want to do it without feeling guilty. Right now, I can't. I'm snuggling in much more than I feel able to get away with. The problem is exacerbated by the guilt feelings that rise from hearing my kids on netflix and minecraft as I can't pull myself out of bed. It's the feeling that I'm missing moments that count. It goes back to a long time struggle for me of feeling like I'm failing as a mom. I kick that one most of the year . . . until I can't get out of bed and it comes flooding back into focus. That too is a wave. Ride it and let it crash, Emie.

I get out of bed late, start my day late, have a few moments of connect and noticing the beauty of fall and then I'm back in my favorite spot through the dark fall and winter months. I was really hoping this one would be different. Oh well. It won't last forever. A new year is right around the corner.

Fall Depression

Fall has fully hit the Central Valley of California and I don't want to get out of bed . . . or talk . . . or type. . . or do anything really. Maybe cry.
The end

Silence and Nature

 The beauty of nature has always captured me. Since childhood, I have loved sitting for long periods of time beside the river or at the edge of wheat fields looking out toward the Rockies at sunset. I sat in silence, watching, thinking, soaking in the beauty.

  I wanted to share those moments with someone who could see, appreciate, soak it in with me. But those I invited had a threshold of about 2 minutes before they were done and off to the next exciting thing. That left a hole.

  Last week, I had the opportunity to be at a silent retreat in the chaparral mountains of southern California. One early morning, a large group of us walked in the light of the moon and stars to the top of the mountain in silence. We sat to soak in the beauty of the sunrise. There was a moment when tears streamed down my cheeks and I could hardly contain myself as I wanted to jump up and say, "THANK YOU for being here with me in this beautiful moment and the silence!" It was deeply healing for me. And beautiful. And fulfilling.

  Thank you to all my new friends who soaked in the beauty of the wonders of nature and the togetherness of silence. I am forever grateful.

Kindness

This song entitled KIND, by Amanda Cook on her new album Brave New World is impacting me deeply. The Kindness of God is an aspect of Creator that I've not explored until recently. This is the God I know. This is the God I love. He is Kind.