Afraid of the shadows

I was eating breakfast and reading in my nook, sun beams warming me through the window.  With a little adrenaline rush, I jumped and shook my hand to rid it of the spider with extremely long legs that crawled across it.

But wait.  I didn't feel a spider crawl across my hand. With legs that long, I would have.  Returning my hand to the table, the spider reappeared.  Just a shadow.  Mr. Spider was outside the window blocking the sun on my hand in the shape of his little body and spiny legs.

There are several spiders outside the window of my soul. They are blocking the sun and causing shadow spiders to crawl across my heart. Unfortunately, I'm jumping at all of them.  Shadows of cars running red lights.  Shadows of relational triggers causing me the pain of past memories.  Shadows of my past experiences with adrenal fatigue.  Shadows of the weight of plans put on hold yet again. Even though I'm not actually feeling the spiny legs crawling on my skin, I remember how it felt.

I'm looking forward to the day when the shadow doesn't make me flinch in fear. I will get to the place where I can watch these shadows move across my hand and not recoil.  I will learn to watch and release.  I am learning. Crawl on shadows. The sun will fully shine through my window unhindered once again.