Being Seen

  I heard a speaker say that we feel we can either be seen or loved but not both.  We often hide because our need for love overpowers the need to be seen.  If you really see me in the yuckiest places, you may not be able to love me . . . so I will keep that part hidden.
  Heath and I went to a marriage counselor yesterday.  He talked about the need to be seen.   I was tuned in. I've determined to see the homeless man digging in my trash can.  Have I fallen asleep in the most important relationships?  I'll admit, sometimes it feels too hard to keep seeing and loving at the same time when there's no curtain to pull or when what I see hurts me too deeply.  I've stopped looking for and consequently stopped seeing the glory of God in the person I'm the closest to.  My need, my pain has blinded me.  I am so human.
  I may aspire to love Heath unconditionally but I'm not sure I'll ever get there. I'm not convinced Heath will be able to see all my worst and love me unconditionally either.  But I do not feel hopeless or unloved at my core.  I have relationship with One who sees it all, every terrible thought, all the mess, all the years of hurt and my unhealthy responses and patterns and loves me COMPLETELY.  I am not one bit ashamed or afraid to stand vulnerable and open before my God.  I am seen AND loved.  When I focus on Love pouring in, even for a minute, I can feel it filling me in my deepest being.
  I cannot give away what I do not possess.  Tonight as I try to fall asleep, I will be snuggled into the reality that Holy Spirit is within and without, pouring the Love of God into my heart even as he sees every last bit of me.
  "You Don't Miss a Thing"