German Heritage and a trip to San Fran

I was invited on a quick trip to San Francisco with a dear German friend of mine. The German part of that description is necessary because I grew up with German grandparents that immigrated and a father that spoke only German until he went to school. I was more proud of my German blood than anything about myself. At age 20, I fulfilled a dream and spent the summer in Heidelberg, Germany.

I have vivid memories of biking through giant sunflower fields on my way to the forest park finding solitude and sanity. Routine walks to the neighborhood bakery, the immense beauty and precision of the country, and the history etched onto the buildings and faces of the elderly captured my heart. I loved exploring a bit into the Swiss Alps, The Netherlands and my favorite - The Czech Republic. BUT I learned, almost upon landing, that I was definitively not German. I am American with a strong German heritage.

Back to my trip to San Francisco. I spent three days reliving my childhood happiness of German descent and my summer immersed in real Germany. I experienced deep, meaningful conversations, beauty, delicious food (even a very traditional German bakery!), nature, and a million pleasant memories of my German upbringing through strangers who immediately felt like family. Everything from the accents to the stories to the German character traits that are shared by my biological family and my hosts filled me with joy.

Hugging my new friend goodbye, with tears in her eyes, she whispered, "How can you feel like you've known someone forever when you only just met them?" My heart overflows with gratitude for exposure to new people and new experiences. I'm so thankful for supernatural connection moments. I'm deeply appreciative for my German heritage, my experience of Germany, and all the pleasant memories connected to being German. I'm especially thankful for my friend who shared her trip, her heart, and her family with me. It brought both old and new joy to the forefront of my heart. Thank you, Lea.

Five Year Tradition

2015 Leakes, Rodriguez, Lockes, Redmond

2014 with Leakes, Rodriguez, Lockes

2013 with a crew! Leakes, Rodriguez, Lockes

2012 with Leakes, Rodriguez, and Lockes

2011 Deep Pit Turkey with Leakes, Rodriguez, and Lockes

I'm not a big fan of holidays or traditions. But we have managed to secure great friendships that have made the last five years of Thanksgiving and Christmas enjoyable instead of bearable. Two or three days of a house full of friends, food, games, and fights. Every year I am amazed at how much food I can eat, how infrequently I see 13 kids (only when they're hungry), and how much I love just being with friends who are easy to simply BE with. Thank you Leakes and Rodriguez families for five years of wonderful memories. 

Quote of the week

Art everywhere

I've experienced beautiful moments reflecting on the magical movement of steam ascending in artistic wisps from my tea cup.

I'm determined to appreciate the little things in the chill of the fall.

Guilt, not depression.

I've had a few good days after a week of intense "fall depression." I've come to a new perspective on my seasonal crash. I realized the depression doesn't come from wanting or needing to sleep more, pulling back relationally, eating every carb in sight, or staying home bundled up with a good book. The feeling of depression enters with the guilt that comes from neglecting the "shoulds" and cultural expectations, failing to live up to my own ideals of what is productive, my own set of rules to be a "good" parent.

I've decided to step out of the guilt, reframe my actions and interpret the pulling back in a new way. I am not failing my children. I am not lazy. I am not depressed. I am not irresponsible. I am simply choosing to respond to the authentic reaction of my body to fall. Period. New picture painted. Situation reframed. Embracing the new reality. Happy fall!

My Community

I spent all day yesterday at our charter school for Exploration Day. I LOVE OUR LEARNING COMMUNITY. I haven't spent that amount of time at school since the accident in April. It was tiring on a lot of levels, but surprisingly invigorating to be immersed, once again, in the creativity, love, and strength of our family at Eleanor Roosevelt Community Learning Center. I feel like we are the most fortunate people on earth to be part of this unique community of creative beings.

I was reminded how rich my children's lives are, even when all I see at home is a lot of netflix, minecraft, and bickering happening while I hide and recover.

I was reminded of all the wonderful teachers and friends my kids are impacted by in beautiful and positive ways even when I feel like I'm far from "enough" for them at home. I don't have to be everything for them! We have a community that adds to my lack. WOOHOO!

I was reminded of the beauty of fall as the sun warmed me enough to shed a layer! (I lost my Montana blood a long time ago! I hate being cold.)

I was reminded of how much healing has happened in the last couple months allowing me to make it through an entire day at the school again. YAY for healing!

I was reminded of how much I LOVE my kids, my students, and my kids' friends that have found a way into my heart. I am so proud to watch and participate in their "becoming."

I was reminded of the goodness that comes from putting down roots and belonging.

Yesterday filled me with warmth, love and immense joy. Today I'll stay in bed reminding myself of the beauty of our tribe.

Elementary Students Original Song: This song may only be endearing to parents and those who were there, but it makes my heart smile every time I watch it. The music class wrote this song and performed it today.

Thought of the week

As the cold slows my blood and movement to molasses, this is the quote that reminds me to just do what I can do with great love.