Practice

It's such a risk to start new things, make changes, learn something I've never done. I'm remembering how much I love learning and how much I hate learning curves. I want to simply be good at this. I want to be a great craniosacral therapist. I want to simply know how to give a great massage. But I'm at the beginning. I have to practice. There is no substitute for simply doing the thing I need to learn over and over and over. It's giving me more sympathy for my kids who are starting new things. Asher has days when practicing saxophone is unbearable. Ella gets frustrated that she's not quite able to do the splits yet. Abiel doesn't like doing anything she can't pick up in 2.5 seconds, and Judah . . . . well, he observes until he's sure he can master it.

I want to always be learning new things rather than staying in the comfortable strengths and hobbies I know. It's stretching my brain, my heart, and my confidence. In the end, I hope I can say I've done what it takes to be as good as I want to be as a therapist. And that will be after many hours of excruciating practice.

Quote of the week

Leaping

Craniosacral Therapy (CST) training was A M A Z I N G! I'm devoted to this healing practice. I can't even begin to explain the supernatural connections, timing, and joy coming from that enormous leap of faith. CST is one avenue I will use to fulfill part of what I am created to do. But I need a massage therapy license to get my hands on people.

Leap of faith number two in the last 9 days: I signed up for a 9 month massage school . . . and I started YESTERDAY! WHAT?! What am I doing? How is this happening? I'm thrilled and overwhelmed and overjoyed all at the same time.

When I stepped across the threshold of my life as a homeschool mom into the inviting, unknown territory of CST training, I had NO idea I'd be starting massage training two days later! I have officially jumped off the cliff of sanity into the thrill of a free fall. I'm confident my parachute will be colorful and functional when I need it to open. Until then, I can hardly catch my breath as I'm flying/falling, trying not to miss a single moment of the unfolding of my dreams.

Feel free to pray for my family as we are in this free fall together! Some of us are more happy about the leap than others. ;) 

Transitions

Life is always in transition. 

Happiness and sadness dwelling 

in virtually the same spaces;

at times only a moment 

separating the two.

Sunset and moonrise;

the passing of day to night.

Both holding beauty,

both full of possibilities.

Can I find the goodness 

in the dark?

I will find the beauty 

there in the

sun's reflected light

of the moon

as it

waxes and wanes.

through this 

transition.

-emie

Quote of the week

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"How long must I wait in the dark?"

"Until you can see in the dark."

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Wide Awake Dreaming

I'm back at the kitchen table at 2 AM remembering the months of blogging at this hour during the most difficult months of my healing journey. Tonight I'm not frustrated. I'm full of adrenaline. I'm dreaming of things I want to do with my life. Dreaming of the environment I want to create for my kids. Dreaming of ways to spring forward into new places opening to me.

I can't sleep because in four hours, I'll be heading to Fresno for four days for Craniosacral Therapy training. This is a door I barely had to touch and it flung open for me. I've been intrigued by and interested in Craniosacral Therapy since I was gifted a session a few years ago. After my car accident, I had several sessions with a wonderful Craniosacral Therapist in town. After seeing her, I knew I wanted to pursue it someday.
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cra·ni·o·sa·cral ther·a·py

ˌkrānēōˈsakrəl,-ˈsākrəl/

noun

1. a system of alternative medicine intended to relieve pain and tension by gentle manipulations of the skull regarded as harmonizing with a natural rhythm in the central nervous system.

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"Someday" came sooner than I anticipated. I'm excited and nervous. I'm wondering how it will all play out. I almost passed up the opportunity simply because I can't see how my dreams will meld together and how this journey will unfold. As I considered the advice I would give a friend in my shoes, I knew I needed to take the leap of faith and go for it without having a solid plan or vision of what this will look like. I will entrust myself to the beauty of the unknowns in this journey.

I'm standing on the threshold of a doorway to new territory. It looks beautiful from here. Wish me well and a wide awake, healthy brain as I work to absorb all the new information over the next four days.

Signing off for some real, deep sleep dreaming . . . I hope!

Seasons of Life

Things continue to be rough on the home front relationally and I feel like I'm in between surviving and living. I'm thrown off by feeling little to nothing. I like feeling. Something. Other than when I'm sobbing in the counselor's office. Every time I go in, I prepare to tell him that I have no emotion to get to. Within 60 seconds of unpacking, I'm wiping snot and saline water off my face. I've decided to stop planning to say that phrase and trust that in a safe space, emotion is actually only seconds away. I'm glad I have a solid belief that nothing lasts forever and all seasons of life are necessary. Otherwise, I'd never even attempt to get out of bed.

Today I'm thankful for the opportunity to be counseled by one of the most intuitive, Spirit led, knowledgable, skilled people I've ever met. I am 100% sold on Emotionally Focused Therapy, not just because I'm an extremely emotional human being. :) If you ever consider counseling, at least look for a therapist who practices EFT. I couldn't recommend it more completely.

Below is a clip from a musician couple I deeply resonate with and admire. They are talking about the winter season and how clarity comes in the winter. This short video reminded me of the purpose of this winter season of my life.

Necessity of Seasons