Seeing

The people of Mozambique, Africa are beautiful and amazing.  But when I lived there 7 years ago, the poverty undid me.  There were many things I didn't know how to cope with but the most difficult scenario for me was the trash heap outside our compound. We would take our kitchen, bathroom, and house trash out to the pile.  Within minutes, children of all ages were digging through our trash.  Any time of day we passed by the trash heap, a child or two would be foraging for something useful.  I never got over it, never got used to it, could hardly throw anything away without wondering which child would find it a treasure.  I hated it.  I still hate the memories.  

I came home from Chiangmai to a beautiful, 100 year old home in old town Visalia.  We are only a few blocks away from the park of choice for the homeless population of the city.  It's nothing to see a shopping cart pushed by the front yard or people digging through our trash can out front.  Flashback to the feelings in Mozambique came in full force.  It's easier to ignore here.  I can close the curtain or bury the feelings that rise from the depths of my heart.  At least it's not children in my trash can.  

If I know anything after almost 40 years of life, I know that I cannot take on every cause that breaks my heart or tugs at me or makes me weep.  I can't get involved with every hurting person I run into.  I am not a savior. I think most people decide that it's too difficult to discern which situations to care about or what people to invest in so it's easier to stop caring at all, to fall asleep.  I've decided to stay awake.  In staying awake, I need to discern what I'm being asked to do, what I CAN do.  

It's one more reason for me to stay intimately connected to Creator God and to know myself.  What is He asking of me, saying to me?  Who am I?  What is the overarching work of my life, my giftings?  What is my sphere of influence? What is my personal manifesto?  What is the bulls eye of my life?  What do I have to say no to in order to stay the course and say yes to my life purpose?  How do I stay wide awake with eyes wide open to see the pain in the world without feeling guilty for not doing something about every situation, or without feeling so overwhelmed by the sadness I see in others that I shut down?

Ultimately, I can smile.  I can acknowledge a person's humanity and uniqueness simply by looking a person in the eyes in a way that says, ¨I see you.¨  I may not be able to help every time or even most times, but I can see.  I can smile.  I can honor the glory of God in the man digging through my trash.  And I can keep my heart full of love and hope and peace and honor as I listen for the Creator of the Universe to show me where to pour out, reach out, spill over.  I will do my best to actively love when it seems obvious I am to do that. And I will do my best to see and honor people when I cannot.  

Happy seeing!