Seeing

Sometimes the strangest things become an unexpected mirror and I notice something I haven't seen about myself in awhile. The recent mirror was a silly facebook quiz about being a right brained or left brained dominant person. Prior to the quiz, I would've said I operated as a left brained person as a child and all through college. After working through some pain and tapping into my emotional, intuitive side in my early 20's, I'd have guessed I'd come out fairly even on the test now . . . maybe even slightly more right brained. HA!

I was in shock to see the first result being 73% left brained (digital, objective, math, rational, order, analytic, symbolic) and 27% right brained (creative, memory, emotion, art, instinct, music, imagination). I took the darn thing three times and it only changed to 66% left and 34% right. Hmmm. Ok, so it's just a dumb facebook quiz created to waste time. But my reflection in this mirror made me stop in my tracks.

I've been downplaying or maybe ignoring how naturally left brained I really am. I've put loads of effort into finding my emotion, living more relaxed, letting myself BE instead of DO, throwing out a rigid schedule and agenda, trusting my intuition, digging for the feeling, seeing the beauty in every moment - even the unplanned ones. Don't get me wrong, I'm super glad I've adopted some significant right brain skills. (And my kids are even more thankful for my softening and relaxing into a more flowing lifestyle.) I feel more at peace, more healthy, more flexible, more intuitive, more passionate, even a bit more creative and I like all those things. This quiz simply put the spotlight back on my natural bent. I feel like my favorite old roomie is coming to live with me again. It's time to embrace both sides of my brain and weave the right brain skills I've acquired into the fabric of all my natural left brain strengths with joy. Watch out world. I'm using both sides of my brain now!

Can someone draw a left brain representation that doesn't look quite so boring, please? I think we can all appreciate how much beauty is found in research and thinking logically and analytically. At least give it a splash of color. ;-)

Making Music

Learning the clarinet is life giving. And frustrating. When I'm practicing, my kids occasionally have to say, "Back away from the clarinet and take a deep breath, mom." I think they're enjoying throwing my words back at me. :)

I love feeling my brain working to remember the notes and fingerings. I love hearing beautiful sounds coming out of the instrument every once in awhile. And occasionally I'm frustrated to no end because I cannot figure out how to keep that stupid woodwind in tune. I'm perpetually flat. My embouchure keeps trying to adjust to a trumpet and move as if I'm playing a brass instrument. But I'm NOT playing my trumpet. I get frustrated with slow progress as I'm retraining my embouchure for a clarinet. I will learn this.

Most of my life feels like I've switched instruments and I'm learning an entirely different way to make music. It's going to be beautiful once I figure this out. But it won't sound anything like the trumpet I spent over a decade playing. When I can't keep my clarinet in tune, I could sit on the floor and cry, wishing I was holding a familiar trumpet in my hand. But I don't. I'm fully embracing the new beauty and challenge of my clarinet. And though I might feel like throwing the thing across the room, I won't. I do what my kids suggest, put the the woodwind down, and take a few deep breaths. The next note usually comes out beautifully.

This is the Mozart concerto I fell in love with several years ago that inspired me to learn the clarinet. I love the entire thing, but my favorite section starts at 12:35. Even though I've loved and appreciated this song for years, I have to say, my attempt to make a clarinet sound lovely has increased my awe of anyone like this young man who can make the thing come alive. Spectacular. I hope you have a few minutes to enjoy.

Song of the Week: Scare Away the Dark

This is currently one of my favorite songs.

WARNING: This video may be offensive to some at the end. I find observing another's freedom to be like that sometimes.

Fly

Limitless People

This video shakes the boundaries within me, causing me to rattle the bars of the prison of cannot and should nots in my mind. Imagination calls to me as I watch these people leap into the realm of impossibility. Be inspired! :)

Limitless People 2

This is another video that stirs me to push forward into my destiny. My kids and I had fun being in awe together.

Expansion

Here is a glimpse of my soul as you stand on the outside looking in. I wrote these words on the first page of a new journal the other day.

"This journal is starting in one of the biggest transitional times of my life. I feel strong and shaky, solid and fluid, whole and in pieces. Expectant and grieving. Full and empty. Connected and alone. Loved and despised. Hurting and Healing. Alive and dying. How can I be feeling such opposing things all within the space of myself? Hmmm. . . this is where the idea of vastness within fits beautifully. Expansion. The Universe is constantly expanding. Of course my connection to the Infinite God who created an expanding universe would make it so that the universe of my body would also be able to expand.
So into the vastness I will extend in every opposing direction and become limitless."

Excerpt from "The Prophet" on Children

"And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, Speak to us of Children.
   And he said:
   Your children are not your children.
   They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
   They have come through you but not from you,
   And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
   For they have their own thoughts.
   You may house their bodies but not their souls,
   For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
  which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
   You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
   For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
   The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
  and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
   Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
   For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
  so He loves also the bow that is stable.

-- The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran

painting by Kahlil Gibran

Letter From Abiel about her trip to Paris

Abiel is my eloquent, adventurous first born. She wrote a letter asking for support for her upcoming spring trip to Paris with the school travel club. The letter is worth reading even if you can't help her with her trip.

Dear Friends and Family,

I love traveling. It has been a part of me and my family since I was three months old. I have been a lot of places, especially in the last couple years. My next trip is to Paris with my school's Passion Project class, but believe it or not, I did not want to go at first.

I believe that when you travel you should have a reason. It could be as flippant as "I felt like it" or as deep as "This location means something to me and I am going to make it a better place." When the opportunity for a trip first came up in September 2015, I had no desire to go and I did not want to put the work into something that I had no reason to participate in. Two to three months went by and I was hearing about what was happening through one of my best friends. I still had no interest. 

Until one day my friend approached me with a smile on her face. "Abiel. We are going to Paris. If anyone could get into this trip late it would be you." Apparently my skepticism was still obviously displayed on my face, because she followed it with this. "Okay. I really want you to come Abiel. Honestly, I can't imagine traveling without you. You were with me on my first trip and I really want you to come. Please ask Heather!" 

I talked it over with my mom. I thought about it. I talked to God about it. I wanted to come up with a why. "Just because" was not going to get me to Paris. I know I am going to travel later in life, so why go on this trip specifically? As I thought about my trip to Greece with this friend, a smile plastered itself on my face. We had run into cacti, wandered wide-eyed through the many ruins of Greece, laughed together, made new friends, played games, fallen asleep together, eaten together, and loved each other's company for over a week and a half in Greece. Since then, we have grown so much closer than we were even in Greece. As I thought about this, I realized that right there was my reason to go to Paris. My friend Siena. After all, if anything is worth work in your life, it must be your friendships and relationships. 

Long story short, I am now going to Paris in April with one of my best friends. She is one of the most amazing people I know and she is the reason I am working for this. 

Once again, we are fundraising most of the trip. Our last big fundraiser is a Walkathon. This means that we are going to walk 10 miles in preparation for the 8-10 miles we will be walking daily on our trip. My class has been working diligently on our academic projects which have included sketchbooks of anatomy, exhibits on French Jazz, and raps on Victor Hugo's interests and beliefs in architecture. (The last one is mine.) 

If you are interested in pledging money towards my trip, please let me know. You are welcome to donate per mile or a flat sum. Any questions are more than welcome whether you give money or not.

Thank you all! 

Love, Abiel

P.S. Attached are a few pictures of us from my trip to Greece. There is one of Siena and I with a towel swan. (A swan folded from a towel.) The "Thank You" pictures are on our cruise ship with Santorini behind us.

If you would like to support her trip, please contact me in the comments and I will be in touch with you. Thank you!

Quote of the week

Waking Up to Life

A study was posted in the Harvard Gazette reporting "about 47% of waking hours are spent thinking about what isn't going on." Rumination on the past and anxiety about the future produces unhappiness and wastes our actual life moments.

Waking up to life does not mean you must leave what is to find what may never be. Waking up starts by simply being present to the moment, present to yourself, present to nature, present to the people in your world, present to the voice of God within and without, present and aware of the here and now. As you do, you will find your authentic self and the path you are walking on will lead to all you need to experience, one present moment at a time.

I watched an old Robin Williams movie called, "Awakenings" based on a true story of a researcher/doctor who assists in helping several catatonic patients "wake up." As he helps them, he finds himself waking up. It's a thought provoking movie if you're looking for one of those.

Remembering

A year ago today, I woke up in Thailand. 

What a privilege and honor to bring 

Love and Healing

 to people around the globe

with this group of my craziest, amazing friends.

Loving these memories and celebrating all

the good things that came from that time in Thailand. 

(Also celebrating a year of consistent blogging!

Yay for attempting to speak my authentic voice.)

\

I would travel anywhere with these people,

and that's not something I can say about everyone!

I love hearing the heart of God pour out of my dearest friend,

as she is here with the highschool students we poured into.

Loving the opportunity to share my story with a beautiful group of 

girls at a juvenile detention center. 

Oh the joy of interacting with the street vendors and

taking every opportunity I could to get a fresh coconut!

Taking a much needed day of Rest and Relaxation before round 2.

Round 2 with a new team, new assignment, just as mindblowing!

Last night of the conference we hosted. Finishing up in joy!

My moment of glory on the back of an elephant. Delightful. 

Solitude and Silence

It takes space, solitude and silence to find out what is really happening in the depths of my being, to uncover what hides in shadows and find the living things worth saying. I am beyond grateful for 24 hours of solitude and silence in the beauty of Three Rivers. I rode the song of the frogs into the darkness and found rest. My spirit floated on the current of the rushing river and found refreshing. My soul rose with the rays of the sun and found warmth. Physical connection to nature carried me into the depths of my being, warming icy and impenetrable pockets of my heart. All of this in less than 24 hours of silence in the solitude of nature. Once again I feel alive, not just at the edges of my being but in the very center where the fires of passion and peace burn together.

Excerpt from Letters to a Young Poet

These days, I'm in love with Rainer Maria Rilke. His words, penned over a hundred years ago, resonate in my inner being causing me to feel less alone in my crazy world of pondering. This is an excerpt from "Letters to a Young Poet." I'm convicted and inspired to write what I see, feel, love and lose. For then, maybe I will have something to say that needs to be heard.


  "You ask whether your verses are any good. You ask me. You have asked others before this. You send them to magazines. You compare them with other poems, and you are upset when certain editors reject your work. Now (since you have said you want my advice) I beg you to stop doing that sort of thing. You are looking outside, and that is what you should most avoid right now. No one can advise or help you - no one. There is only one thing you should do. Go into yourself. Find out the reason that commands you to write; see whether it has spread its roots into the very depths of your heart; confess to yourself whether you would have to die if you were forbidden to write. This most of all: ask yourself in the most silent hour of your night: must I write? Dig into yourself for a deep answer. And if this answer rings out in assent, if you met this solemn question with a strong, simple "I must," then build your life in accordance with this necessity; your whole life, even into its humblest and most indifferent hour, must become a sign and witness to this impulse. Then come close to Nature. Then, as if no one had ever tried before, try to say what you see and feel and love and lose."

I LOVE MY JOB!

Today I couldn't feel more grateful for the opportunity to become a craniosacral, reiki, massage therapist! I've had three clients this week and I'm in heaven. This is exactly what I'm supposed to be doing with my life right now. My heart is full. My inner world is peaceful. And my spirit is soaring. I don't know where this path will lead but I'm enjoying every step. These are pictures of my sacred space/work space.

 One of my students/friends painted these for me. 

They sit on my desk and are the perfect visual expression

of what is happening in my life.

Thank you, Siena!

Last year, in my Personal Development Class, we talked about being hot air balloons and 

what makes it difficult to actually lift off into the beautiful horizon of our destiny. 

We talked about how 

people around us, sometimes those closest to us, won't know what to do with us if or when

we start to ascend. 

It's often difficult for those who like the stability of the ground

to allow those who are ready to fly

to be released to do so.

If you see someone in your world making changes, 

wanting to brave the unknown to discover their place in the world, 

their part in impacting this beautiful planet with their gifts and creativity,

I would ask you to be one who helps cut the sandbags free, 

empowering your loved one to soar, to become that

colorful, inspiring hot air balloon rising into the morning mist at sunrise.

If you don't consciously choose to help cut the sandbags free,

you may unknowingly become the sandbag that keeps 

the one you love from truly becoming all they 

are created to become. 

Fly, my friends. It's thrillingly, breathtakingly, life awakening.

The world needs you to be ALIVE. 

Sacred Spaces

I've had the longing to create a sacred space for myself somewhere in the house. Eons ago, when we actually owned a house, I had a beautiful prayer room. I haven't had that kind of personal space since.

Yesterday was a cozy, rainy, stay in my pjs day from start to finish. I worked on creating the sacred space that will also be my work space. I didn't have to do very much to make the space feel safe, warm and inviting. As I sit here typing, I wonder what took me so long to create this place of peace and simple beauty. I must have accomplished the intentions I set forth because three of the four of my kids don't want to leave the room and two asked if they can have a massage yesterday and today. I'm going to trust their safety, cozy radar and look forward to my first craniosacral therapy appointment tomorrow.