Happy Thought

"Let us be grateful to people

who make us happy:

They are charming gardeners

who make our souls blossom."

- Marcel Proust

Quote of the Week

"Writing is a powerful search mechanism,

and one of its satisfactions is that 

it allows you to come to terms 

with your life narrative."

-A Memoir by William Zinsser

Song of the week

I love this song! LIVE LIFE. It's the musical summation of my last few posts. 

Enjoy and LIVE LIFE.

Beautiful memories

All of us experience pain, physical and emotional. Our stories are different. Our responses vary. Sometimes, if there are too many painful memories, those can block out the beauty that is or has been. I have my fair share of painful memories. I've struggled living in them far too often. Back in June, sitting on the beach for a week alone, I decided to dig up some of the beautiful memories and put them at the forefront of my mind. "Where are my beautiful memories? I know they're in there somewhere."

Since June, I've had an increased mindfulness of things that resurrect my beautiful memories. My kids, obviously, are helping in this process as they passionately pursue what they love. Today was another beautiful moment of memory resurrection.

Asher and Ella and I had a sleepover with some of our dearest friends. This morning, I was watching my friend make breakfast and her father in law came riding up on a horse. We went out to chat with him about a morning ride. As he rode away, you can guess what happened. :) Everyone went back inside and I stood, heart wide open, tears falling with the beautiful memory of watching my dad ride horse. For many years of my childhood, we would go to my grandparents' farm every Sunday after church. Many of those Sundays, my dad would take me riding. I loved it with every fiber of my being. I felt alive on that horse. . . every time. I still do.

Today, I want to say thank you to my parents for the beautiful memories they helped create for me. Horses, hiking, camping, music lessons, trumpet, reading to me, singing me to sleep. These were beautiful moments in the formation of my person. I am so grateful. Thank you for exposing me to these life giving things that continue to inspire vibrant living in me today.

Dreams Relived

Mary Lou Retton. She was my idol. I was Mary Lou, coached by Bela Karolyi, cartwheeling around my living room on a blue blanket doubling as the floor mat. My little brother was the judge holding cards that, of course, had only 10's on them.

Today as Ella bounded around the gym on the balance beam and trampoline, older girls flew through the air practicing their floor routines. I didn't even hold back the tears.  I was transported to 1984 with all the feelings of my first grade heart bursting forth.

Flash backs of Mary Lou Retton sticking her famous vault with her radiant smile and the pleasure on Bela Karolyi's face flew through my mind. If I could actually turn my head yesterday (the pain was back in full force due to a freak tweak), I might have run out on that floor and tried to do a few flips myself.  

Monday evening, Asher had his first saxophone lesson. The sounds of students squeaking and pounding their way through lessons, welcomed us inside the studio. Music was a GIGANTIC part of my life growing up. I struggled through piano lessons, came alive on stage when I sang solos frequently in church, joined choirs, took voice lessons, and at Asher's age, started playing the trumpet under the direction of a band director who saw a potential Wynton Marsalis in me. Not really. But he did push me, and Wynton Marsalis was my hero.

After the lesson, standing in the lobby, I glowed as Asher chatted to the owner about how much he loves John Coltrane and the saxophone and his new instructor. Again, tears leaked out. I was right back in fifth grade, my smile glued from ear to ear, sitting in the gym alone during lunch with my band director who pushed me to greatness. I was so alive playing music (or whatever was coming out of that trumpet those first few lessons). Music makes me vibrate with life and there is nothing in the entire world like being part of a band or choir, creating the beauty of music with fellow musicians.

Two of my kids, passionately and without coercion, jumping into two of my childhood life giving dreams in one month. My heart can hardly contain the depth of its joy! Happy days. :)          

Quote of the Day

Next Steps on my Healing Journey

Yesterday was another good day emotionally and physically. The pain spots are talking to me but not with the same volume. I had a full night's sleep on Friday which gave me the extra boost yesterday, even with the whispers.

As pain is releasing, my brain has some extra space to think about adding other healing help. I have fairly healthy eating patterns from my massive healing journey following our time in Africa. Seven years ago, upon return, without outside help from healing practitioners, I kicked chronic hives, adrenal fatigue, chronic candida, chronic ear infection, severe arthritic symptoms in my feet, hands, and shoulders, and I lost 85 pounds with whole foods and cleanses. Since the accident, I have only had the energy to maintain where I was, not add anything extra to my health regime.  

At the first acupuncture appointment, she suggested trying bone broth, home made root vegetable soups, and a candida cleanse. Three weeks ago, those suggestions would have made me go wailing all the way to my room to hide in the fetal position for a full day. I don't know if it was the gentle way she suggested it devoid of a bunch of how to's, or the instant trust I felt with her, or the timing in the journey, or the fact that none of what she said was unfamiliar to me, or all of it put together, but my whole being said, "YES! That is what's next." It felt easy and the Wind of Spirit was behind it. 

Two days later, I went to the farmer's market, got my grass fed beef bones for broth and colorful root veggies. I ordered the 4 month candida cleanse products and will start those next week. I've been drinking the broth all week and swear it is part of what is aiding the shift in my body, brain, and emotions.  Creator is genius. He made my body to heal. When I give it what it needs, it kicks in to full heal mode. Miraculous and awe inspiring! I haven't felt my whole being smile since the accident as frequently as I have this week. Feeling full of gratitude today!

This post is NOT to create guilt or pressure for anyone who is on a healing journey and these ideas make you want to run crying to your room to hide in the fetal position.  :-)  There is a time and season for everything. The Light shines on answers for our individual journey at the right moments for each of us. This section of my healing is reminding me that what I need always surfaces in a person, book, or intuitively at the very right time with the Wind of Spirit behind it to make it easy and workable to implement. When it feels like a heavy, overwhelming burden, something isn't quite right. It might just be a good idea at the wrong time. Just because someone suggests something to you, doesn't mean it's the right thing for you at that moment. Deep breath and simply keep your eyes open and your heart tuned in to what feels like the "right fit at the right time."

Renewed Hope

I have been pain free since seeing the acupuncturist on Monday!! Tuesday I woke up sore but not "pain" sore, just "worked over muscles" sore from the acupuncture. It was the first day since the accident I haven't had pin pointed jabbing pain spots between my shoulder blades and in my neck. Before going to acupuncture, I was beginning to wonder if those were the pain spots I would have to deal with for the rest of my life. They were bearable, but painfully present when I would turn my head or flare when I do any extra activity, even after 4 1/2 months of consistent chiropractor and massage therapy.

Wednesday, I woke up sore free and pain free! I kept turning my head to make sure it was really gone. On the way to the school, the kids got sick of hearing me say how amazing it felt to be pain free in those spots! I didn't realize just how limiting it was until it was gone. There is still work to do, but I have a renewed sense of hope for complete healing and restoration. I felt thankful and more alive than I have in five months. I am so very grateful for our amazing attorney who is like my healing project manager. He knows incredible and gifted healers and has introduced them all to me at the very right time in my healing journey. I am overwhelmed with gratitude for his direction and care as he works with us and our case.

Feeling deeply grateful to be filled with hope for complete healing once again.

Basic Human Needs

A friend of mine shared this list of basic human needs with me. I have seen a few lists of this nature, but not one with these particular needs. I resonated with all of them. Exposure to this list is impacting the way I am evaluating what my kids are needing from me currently. It is helping me interpret some of their actions with greater understanding and consequently more kindness.

1. Connection
2. Physical Well-Being
3. Honesty
4. Play
5. Peace
6. Autonomy
7. Meaning

I am also understanding some of my own struggle as I contemplate where I sit with these needs. 

Word of the Week

rec·i·proc·i·ty

ˌresəˈpräsədē/

noun

: a situation or relationship in which two people or groups agree to do something similar for each other to allow each other to have the same rights, etc: a reciprocal arrangement or relationship

1

:  the quality or state of being reciprocal :  mutual dependence, action, or influence

--Merriam Webster definition

-- Lorenzo Quinn ¨Give and Take III¨

Song of the Week

This song, I Spoke Up, by Steffany Gretzinger is one of my favorites. I love all her music but this one dovetails with the wisdom of the coffee shop sages. This will be particularly meaningful for recovering "first born, rule following, people pleasing, perfectionists."

I Spoke Up

Wisdom of the Coffee Shop Sage

It doesn't matter what coffee shop I'm in: Starbucks or the local shop down the road.  It doesn't matter if I have headphones in or a journal and pen poised mid-sentence. It doesn't matter if I have my laptop open and a stack of books I'm perusing in preparation for teaching. The Coffee Shop Sage still manages to catch my eye, greet me warmly and proceed to share his wisdom of the day.

They are all men 80+, with a light in their eyes and a genuine smile on their lips. I don't have any elderly sage type men in my life, so it seems God thinks it's a good idea to drop a few in occasionally.  I enjoy it every time.  The conversations only last a few minutes, but the depth and straight to the heart communication leaves me changed.

Meryl, with the brightest light in a pair of eyes I have ever seen, interrupted my journaling time to ask me what I'm writing and when my book is coming out.  He was joking and breaking the ice, but in two more sentences, I had tears streaming down my face as he poured life into a dream I've felt was unattainable. He spoke directly to the reasons I have felt my writing dream an impossibility. He didn't know.  But he knew. I began blogging more consistently with my authentic voice. Because the wisdom of the sage encouraged me to "write even if people are offended.  There will always be people who are offended.  But someone needs to hear your words."

Just two days ago, Tom (with a very thick Irish accent) introduced himself with a smile and the vibrant admonition to "Follow your dreams, because you can in this country. You have to do what you love. And don't let the jealous people stop you!  People will always be jealous as you follow your dreams and reach your goals, but don't let 'em stop ya'.  Just keep moving forward!"

And so, dear sages of the coffee shops, I will keep moving forward.  Thank you for sharing your warmth, wisdom, and light with me. I am forever grateful.

Saving the World?

I grew up believing that it was my job to help save the world. I don't believe that anymore. I have many soapbox thoughts on this topic.  This is just one segment.

If I take it upon myself to judge where a person is at and then try to persuade them to change their beliefs or behavior, I have made them the object of my agenda.  I can no longer simply and unconditionally love them. Fear of how and what they believe or how they behave and what my responsibility is in relation to that has now entered the relationship. I can not make it my job to convince someone to see life the way I do, think, believe, or behave like I do ever again. I don't approach teaching situations or sharing opportunities as a platform to convince you to think or believe as I do. Ever. About anything. I may share in order to make you think. . . but I'm not sharing in order to get you to think like me.

Why do I write? Why do I teach? Why do I travel the world and what am I sharing? My story. My journey and genuine struggle to experientially know Love, Life, Light, Hope, Freedom, Healing. My authentic humanity mingling with colossal Spirit of God. I desire to be as full of Spirit of Creator God as I possibly can in order to pour out those beautiful attributes on people around me without any agenda to change anyone. If you are inspired . . . woohoo!!  If positive change happens in your life . . . awesome! But it isn't my goal.

I have never been near someone who is fully alive, radiating Love, Freedom, Creativity, and Light that didn't make me want some of what they had. Humanity has an insatiable need for Love, Abundant Life, Hope, Freedom, Joy, Peace, Light, Healing.  If there is a human being carrying any of those beautiful qualities, I guarantee, I'm going to do my best to be in relationship with them or read their work or figure out what they know that I don't.

I want to love with unconditional love.  I want to radiate the glory of God.  I want to be a Life Giver.  I believe this time of hiding and healing is part of my journey of learning to contain more of the beauty, unconditional love, and Presence of God than I have before.  Thank you to all who are showing me different, fascinating sides of God and teaching me to receive.

Wondering

Sometimes I wonder if i can't sleep because my soul is craving silence and solitude more than my body craves sleep.

Ella Hearing God

My sweet, intuitive Ella. I've been reading her a little book that are letters from The King to his Princess. She's been very diligent to have me read it every night. Honestly, it's not my favorite book. Most nights, I'm editing as I read because there are many ways the author portrays God that I don't agree with.  But even with my editing on the fly, there are things that just aren't sitting well with sweet Ella.

¨Mom, is Jesus ever mad at us?¨
¨I don't believe he is [unless you're a pharisee-that's the only group he seemed to get angry at while he was on earth] but there are some people who believe he gets angry with us.¨
¨Does this person who wrote this book believe that?¨
¨Hmmm, what do you feel like the author believes about that? How do you feel when we read this?¨
¨Well, I feel like he never gets really angry mad but that he's sometimes very disappointed in me.¨
¨Wow. So maybe we should just ask Jesus right now what he's actually like for us, for you.¨

She took a few minutes to be quiet and listen to what Jesus specifically had to say to her about this. This is what she heard.
¨I heard him say that he is always with me and he's never angry with me. He likes me and he loves me no matter what I do.¨

Put all your faith in what you heard Jesus say to your spirit, my beautiful and connected Elianna. For your name means, ¨God has answered me." I have taught you that when you converse with him, he will talk to you, answer you. You can trust what you hear him speak in those quiet places in your spirit. You amaze me, beautiful girl.

Thank you

I'm terrible at receiving when I feel like I can't repay or when I feel like I don't deserve it. It's incredibly difficult for me to just let you help me. I want you to know how deeply grateful I feel for all you are doing to help me, help us in our crazy Locke Adventuring and my healing journey.

There is not a day that goes by that I am not thankful for the money that has been sacrificially given, for the house we are graciously being able to rent, for the sleepovers my kids are doing so I can get a break, for the chiropractic work, massages, legal work on the car accident, counseling, dental work and help from all angles to bless, encourage, support, and join in this adventure. Thank you for the rides my kids are bumming to school and the people who are pouring into my kiddos while Heath is away.  Thank you for the cars I'm borrowing until I get the settlement to buy a new one.  Thank you for the friendship, notes of encouragement, and understanding my need for space even though I miss you all.

Our life would never be possible without our tribe. You. We could never do what we do, be who we are, live the adventure and calling on our lives without you. Thank you. I wish there were better ways to say this. Maybe there are. But at 10:30 this evening, I can't think of any. I love you all deeply.

(told you I never learned to dance!)

P.S. We send out occasional long email updates.  If you would like to be added to that list, please let me know.  You could leave a comment with  your email and I will get it but not publish the comment. Thanks.