All in

I've realized something about myself again since I've been here.  I am 100% all in wherever I am.  When I lived in Oregon, I was all in.  I couldn't handle the thought of leaving even though we'd always wanted to live overseas.  When I was in Africa, though it was undoubtedly one of the hardest seasons of my life, I was still all in and not really sure we were supposed to leave.  When we lived in Strathmore, CA, I was all in and grieved having to leave that little farm house out in the middle of nowhere that represented so much healing to me and my kids.  In Three Rivers, I'm all in.  I can't imagine our family being anywhere else.  I don't want to leave.

And yet, here I am in Chiangmai, feeling like I belong and never want to leave.  Hmmmm.  That's a bit of an issue.  Or is it?  Maybe I just need to realize that I don't have to hold anything so tightly and feel like I never want to leave it.  Maybe I can trust that I'm all in here and I'm all in there and I'm all in everywhere.  I could enjoy life with a house and with a mouse and here or there. Yes I can enjoy life everywhere.  ;)

I know how to grieve what I'm saying goodbye to very well and in that, I have room in my heart to fully embrace what is coming next.  I'm all in.  I'm feeling a lot more peace about not knowing what's next for our family.  I'd still like to not be wondering where we will land 4 days after I hit California soil, but I'm trusting God has a plan and it will be revealed at the right time.  And as I challenged Abiel yesterday, I'm trying to see this transition simply as one more Locke Adventure rather than a Locke Upheaval.  And that goes back to my ideas about perceptions.  Can I weather this challenge with a perception that will actually bring me peace and joy or will I face it with the perceptions of dread and uncertainty.  I'm trying to choose the former.  And no matter what, no matter where, I'm pretty confident now that I'll be all in.